Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
