every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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