I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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