Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
