Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
