I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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