you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
