So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
What drink are we having for lunch?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
