i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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