Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
