Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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