i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
that is very illegal...i love you.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
