How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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