well I can't set my house on fire every night
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
