Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
