Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
