i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
