"it" just moved
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
