He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
