I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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