The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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