I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
