is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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