whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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