East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
