i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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