I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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