mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
