I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
