I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
