I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
