that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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