guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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