He had one of those small greek statue penises
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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