It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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