Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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