wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
