he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
