I cut my penus on the lid.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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