i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize