New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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