Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
