The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
