You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
