you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
