i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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