i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
