it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
