It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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