Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I forget how to act sober
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
