I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
