Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I think my moral compass just broke
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
