hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize