ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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