ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
