So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
