I just cut my nipple shaving
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
