I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
