I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
