He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
