Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize