True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
