i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He? As in you personified your dick?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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