lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
