I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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