Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
