ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
