I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
