one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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