I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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