im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
