problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
