What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
