she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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