So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
